tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22622663581437354472024-03-13T07:30:06.159-07:00Hayden Chance: so TabooThe only reason to write is because you want to change people's beliefs. The only reason to love is because you want to become bigger than who you are alone. The only reason to play this game of life is because you want to change the world.Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-66447319990860482622015-02-03T09:05:00.003-08:002015-02-03T09:05:45.366-08:00Their Stories are Shaping You<div class="_5pbx userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">
Whether
people realize it or not there's been a reduction in archetypes in our
stories. The acceptable characters we currently see in the stories we
are bombarded with are: doctors, military personnel, politicians nurses,
lawyers and cops. Anyone see a corollary between this and the programs
they're pushing in school? In the jobs market? If feel you aren't
being shaped by the stories being presented to you then you have already
bought in their vision for your future. They want you to know they are
the authority. After all, you watch them in tv...<br />
<br />
If you
think that stories aren't important to the shaping of your reality then
ask yourself this question. What happens inside you when you hear the
words, "Once upon a time..."</div>
Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-29063298240203848692014-06-30T14:52:00.003-07:002014-06-30T14:54:58.728-07:00Do You Know What The Particle Is?<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/JHldEKPUHXE?rel=0" width="640"></iframe>Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-25133931198522927582014-06-27T13:14:00.001-07:002014-06-27T13:14:18.699-07:00The Invasion You've Been Praying For!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhimWECkr1Duj0mi0KMkV9fSKsXQ8hJbxIBt7zKHS00VIB-DzMdF9HelqelOyqdHgIxBCAWSh9YpQw8ksfgBdgjWj4w_uOv2Y7yDnjMiA1VSY4kiqx06el1NKta7KVXGzmqO02QDgH5gxc-/s1600/amazoncover.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhimWECkr1Duj0mi0KMkV9fSKsXQ8hJbxIBt7zKHS00VIB-DzMdF9HelqelOyqdHgIxBCAWSh9YpQw8ksfgBdgjWj4w_uOv2Y7yDnjMiA1VSY4kiqx06el1NKta7KVXGzmqO02QDgH5gxc-/s1600/amazoncover.png" height="640" width="432" /></a></div>
<br />Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-21687163227507605832014-02-07T18:34:00.002-08:002014-02-07T18:34:50.256-08:00Dream Oblivion: Number One, Lovers.... How About You Get Blind on Some O Tonight!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-88599718725713832512014-01-09T18:09:00.000-08:002014-01-09T18:09:01.697-08:00Coming Soon From Hayden Chance and Dorje Publishing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXuk4lPNDg3AJE6TEjryk9Up8qJAvsKIqkYxWNXsSq3Fu5Ys3LWPOh5bba3gdl6Lt0kTmb-ZrohyD9PgHvxHipyBMYUEL83DEuKdHzbixzmkHswllvYkGXwHc3Adp_iSeczTQ3i9pNWEeY/s1600/teaserbig.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXuk4lPNDg3AJE6TEjryk9Up8qJAvsKIqkYxWNXsSq3Fu5Ys3LWPOh5bba3gdl6Lt0kTmb-ZrohyD9PgHvxHipyBMYUEL83DEuKdHzbixzmkHswllvYkGXwHc3Adp_iSeczTQ3i9pNWEeY/s1600/teaserbig.png" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-44821676464240294122013-12-14T17:16:00.001-08:002013-12-14T17:27:38.921-08:00Christmas? Depressing? The Hell You Say! (But You'll Read This Anyway....)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A friend asked me tonight if there was something, subliminal
perhaps, depressing about Christmas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
told him I think the way people have approached it has made it depressing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I told him a little story, which he said
I should write down and share with people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So here it is…</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It happened in my 20's, when I still celebrated Christmas. I
was with my parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was Christmas
eve and I was sitting in my parents living room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had all these presents around me that I’d
just opened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I realized how
depressing it was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nothing I really wanted
was in any of those boxes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not that
I wasn’t grateful they had given me stuff. It’s just that what I really wanted
was missing and it made me sad.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But, there was one thing that took my attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a deck of playing cards with a picture
of Santa Claus on them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of those old
1950’s coca cola pics of him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He looked
jolly and happy and full of vitality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
then I realized what it was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The thing I
wanted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The thing I was sad was
missing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was magic.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When we were kids there was this conspiracy to make us
believe this magical, Lord of Winter came to us in the night and left joy and
happiness for us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There's nothing else
like it in our culture, except maybe the tooth fairy and the boogie man.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Then when he hit a certain age, they take it away, and we're
left forever after that with hole where the magic should be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It creates grief--a loop we cannot close.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And its triggered every year when Christmas
comes back around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What used to be an
incredible time of unbelievable magic becomes a reminder of the loss of magic. And
the belief in all things mundane.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Add to it the greed and all the freaking guilt and pressure people put on each other to buy each other shit as a yard stick of how much they love each other and you’ve
got the recipe for misery.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In the old days it was about Saturnalia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a festival of abundance and good
harvest and gratitude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But once the Christians
got a hold of it they did what they always do...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They made it about loss.</span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When this time of year comes around, remember this: the same
magic is present that was there when you were a child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You just have to choose it over the things
that everyone else is telling you to value. That’s all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Happy holidays, guys.</span></div>
Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-55599139968911387942013-11-24T10:33:00.000-08:002014-03-01T09:49:31.631-08:00You Know How Marriage Will destroy Us<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
I miss the word Lover. It’s an action word. One that can be taken as a verb,‘to love’ or as ‘one who loves.’ <br />
<br />
When I was a kid men took lovers. And I’m not just talking about dark, blue-eyed men who gazed into each other’s eyes on dark moonlit streets and felt their hearts race and sweat. Hell, Cary Grant and Rock Hudson took lovers in the old 60’s flicks. Peter Gunn had a lover, Edie Hart. He called her ‘Silly’. It was playful and sexy and gorgeous and dangerous all at once. Exciting and adventurous. Spontaneous. It was cool.<br />
<br />
Back before all this arguing about men marrying men went on we were rebels. Guys who took lovers. It was sort of dark and mysterious the way we’d meet, fall for each other and become something active: men who engaged in love. It always made my knees go weak when someone—the coolest guy I knew—cause, who the hell else would you fall for, right?—told people I was his lover. I still remember the first time it happened. It was an exciting and rich and powerful experience. A man and his lover can do anything together. If you don’t believe me look up the concept of an army of lovers in ancient Greece. Love inspires courage: romance, enthusiasm and hope.<br />
<br />
Lovers gave you their leather jackets to wear. They took the diamond stud out of their ear and slipped it into yours. Lovers showed you their tattoos on dark patio bars and flexed their muscles for you while you laughed and stared into each other’s eyes and told each other how much you fucking loved that song that was playing and, oh yeah, by the way, they fucking loved you even more. Lovers walked you home in the dark and grabbed your hand protectively when creeps walked by—especially cops. Lovers knew what you loved and surprised you with it. Even if they didn’t read they brought you a bookcase cause they knew you read. Lovers gave you a ring no matter what the world said about how the two of you could or couldn’t love each other: and that act of defiance was what mattered more than any piece of paper ever could because it meant they were willing to fight by your side which is a real rarity right now. Lovers danced with you slow to the fast songs. They were your friends. And that was the best part. Cause you could tell them anything. Your rebel status made you partners in crime. And the fact that they could walk away at any time made you appreciate them more. And hopefully, hopefully: you gave them twice as much.<br />
<br />
Then, at some point, some pinhead sociologist who worked for some god-awful University and who desperately wanted the acceptance of everyone around him, even though he’d never fought for anything in his life, raised the banner of mediocrity in the name of all male lovers and decided he wanted to take what was exciting, adventurous and rich and sling it to what already had proved to not work: marriage. He and all his mediocre buddies made the word 'lover' shameful. Asserted that it implied only sex, which means that’s all they had in them. To them being ‘one who loves’ only meant ‘fucking’ because it was the height of their romantic imagination and capabilities. <br />
<br />
I know a little something about Romance. It’s not just that I write about it. It’s a driver in me. I have this sort of innate aversion to anything that threatens it because Romance is a powerful force that can propel us to greatness. King Arthur knew this. So did Guinevere. They used it to build Camelot. And the ancient Sage Kings in the East used it to build unbreakable, powerful and prosperous kingdoms that people would die to defend. <br />
<br />
So, why? Why this hue and cry for marriage when being lovers worked so wonderfully? I have a dark theory about it. When you see something dangerous and exotic: exciting and tantalizing and you want to destroy it, the best way to do so is to feed it apathy and sloth. You bring it from its mysterious shadows and make it mundane and it dies in the sunlight like a night dragon. You expose it to the light and suddenly the precious and exotic moon flower that only bloomed in the glistening silver of night suddenly becomes tawdry and common, shriveled up all the way to the roots.<br />
<br />
Of all the generations who had witnessed the pitfalls of marriage, GenX is the one that should’ve known better. And yet, true to GenX form, it wanted exactly what had proved to not work in its life to become an enforceable law. They wanted to be “husbands” because the people they’d watched on television growing up had been “husbands”. Instead of wanting to be something bigger. Because being something bigger meant being a maverick. And that scares people.<br />
<br />
Husbands make promises to be active then lie on the couch and watch TV. Husbands believe secretly that the piece of paper is the magic talisman that keeps them bound together even though they tell people it isn’t. Husbands can neglect what’s real important in their lives because the law makes it more difficult for the other person to take off on them. Husbands are all about security and banality. Husbands prefer baked goods to adventures. They get fat and stop working out, because, after all, they got the security now, so what the hell have they got to prove? And if they let themselves go and get sick then the legally appointed ‘caretaker’ in their lives has to baby them: if not, their social support network will ostracize them. Husbands overlook. Husbands are proud of their jobs and their toys and all that shit that doesn’t matter in the world more than the fact that their lover is the coolest person they know. <br />
<br />
We watched our fathers do it. Our friends. Our uncles. Our grandfathers. Our TV role models. Why the hell would we want to take what was vigorous and rare and magical as lovers and turn it into that?<br />
<br />
There’s a reason why women are so drawn to writing romances about men loving men. And it’s not any of the reasons they’ll tell you. They are drawn to it because male lovers are mysterious, forbidden, exotic and luscious. The whole world of lovers is full of romance in its truest sense: so far from the mundane: marriage, children, jobs and taxes that it represents real excitement to them. As a man who has experienced it in both its fullest, craziest, most passionate and at its most boring, neglectful, mundane incarnations I can say: they are right. Romance is truly magnificent when treated as the rare thing it really is. Grasping at security (which is only an illusion anyway) kills romance. It’s a game we run on ourselves. We tell ourselves that if we are married we will not die alone. We will matter. We will be cared for without having to work to maintain our worthiness for those things because, after all, weren’t we born deserving unconditional love like Oprah told us?<br />
<br />
And yet, more and more people are dying alone every year regardless of the constant emphasis in our society on the power of marriage.<br />
<br />
Now, before I continue I want to say that I’m not saying that only men can have that kind of romance. Everyone can have the romance of lovers. Man-man, man-woman, woman-woman. So long as they treat it as the exotic special and rare thing it is and choose not to force it into the pressures of a system that’s designed to inject cynicism, stress and commonness into our relationships like wedges. Men who loved men had an advantage, though, that’s now being taken away. They’re getting their 'rebel status' revoked and are being sorted into a system that works less than 50 percent of the time. Jesus! Would you buy a smart phone that worked only fifty percent of the time? Then why the hell would anyone take those chances with one of the greatest driving human forces out there: romance?<br />
<br />
There are several assumptions about marriage that need to be broken right now before this madness continues. <br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>First: the concept that marriage, as we currently know it, works to begin with is a joke. The divorce rate proves that’s just not true. Just because the law says you're married doesn’t suddenly mean some dude is gonna stay with you forever. It just means any break up that happens will now be bloodier! </li>
<li>Second, the concept that marriage will somehow heal mens' souls is a fallacy. If you don’t love yourself now, no publicly sanctioned ritual is gonna make you love yourself. In fact, it’s gonna do more damage than good because it’s going to create an event in your life full of expectations that you then have to live up to. When you don’t live up to them you will either feel you’ve failed or start to lower your expectations and settle. Both are detrimental to your health in general. </li>
<li>Third: marriage is the apex of romance. That’s not true because legal marriage removes one of the essential pieces of romance: scarcity. It’s hard to appreciate the rarity of something that the law has lashed you to by contract. If I had a dollar for every couple I knew who hated each other but stayed together simply because a divorce would be too costly, I could insulate my house with bread.</li>
</ul>
<br />
Now, I know that many of you are gonna hate me like poison after this blog or erroneously assume that I’m cynical. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. I prize romance as the jewel it is: rare and precious and to be cherished and upheld. And I do have an alternative for those of you who also cherish romance. You rare few who see the heinousness of what’s going on with this marriage jive will truly dig this.<br />
<br />
Instead of standing in front of some judge you’ve never met before or will meet again and saying “Please tell me my relationship is valid,” consider looking into your lover’s eyes on a full moon night and saying this to him, which is much more honest and healthy: “I’ll stick around as long as the laughter lasts between us.” And then stick by it.<br />
<br />
This is a vow that can’t be broken. Because as long as you and your lover laugh you will be able to overcome any obstacle that life throws your way. And as long as you know that, at any moment, if you choose to indulge in selfishness, misery or self pity, you could lose this precious individual who makes you laugh, you will appreciate them for their rarity and specialness. And you will take every action in your power to care for the beauty you have found in him. Because, and remember this my friends—words are cheap and easy. Vows are quickly broken. But actions are undeniable.<br />
<br />Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-86703437870662928022013-11-15T13:39:00.000-08:002013-11-20T08:41:06.441-08:00It's Your Life. Are You Missing It?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Imagine if you were to create a painting or a sculpture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something of beauty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Imagine feeling the medium in your hands…the
coolness of the clay and it’s suppleness as it warms in your palms and fingers
and becomes more pliable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Feel it on
your finger tips as you spread it, mold and cup it, getting it to bend
smoothly to your vision of beauty….<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Imagine
the time it takes to get it just right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then the time it takes to fire it, if it must be hardened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Imagine it finished.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being admired by people for its beauty, it’s
simplicity, it’s…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">youness</i>….<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hear their ‘ooohs’ and ‘ahhhs’ as they compliment
you on your vision and talent.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Or imagine the chalky odor of Gesso on a freshly stretched canvass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And how acrid the paint smells as you twist off
the smooth little plastic paint caps and create rich colorful globs of on a palette.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Little wells of glimmer and loveliness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hear the swishing as you start to apply the paint
to the canvas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Feel the brush in your
fingers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How long is it and what kind of
bristles does it have?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How hard is it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How long does it take to bring your vision to
life?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hours?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Days?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Months? Years?</div>
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<br /></div>
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Or maybe art isn’t your thing and you prefer food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe you get a creative urge to bake some
sort of pastry and you mix a rich, silky batter by hand with a polished whisk
until its shiny and glossy; full of divine cocoa or vanilla aromas. Or maybe the scent of bitter orange
and lemon rise through your nostrils and fill the space around you with their sweet,
citrusy scent? </div>
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<br /></div>
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Imagine how your masterpiece ribbons when you pour it from
the slick mixing bowl into the baking pan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>How shiny it looks and how sweet and rich it smells. Imagine setting it in
the oven protectively, the blast of warmth hitting your face as you set it in
place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The feel of the timer as you
punch the buttons or twist the dial and set the countdown to your gastronomic ecstasy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are a God, forging your Opus with flame,
sugar and flour: like Zeus shaping humans out of mud.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How your house fills with the sweet aroma as
it blooms until finally you remove it from the oven.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You let it cool and frost it before presenting your masterpiece to the
people you love: an offering of your creativity and joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your inner desire to share what you are with
others.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Now, imagine taking this beautiful piece of work that you invested
your time and energy on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That you invested
your sense and sensual appreciation into.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That you conceived of, dreamed up and labored into being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Imagine this thing that you made.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That came from you and your energy, your
desires, your wishes and passions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Imagine taking it and then throwing it into a public toilet. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where the rich aromas of paint, clay or sugar
and cocoa mingle with the stench of filth and excrement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And imagine standing there in that public
head and encouraging people to go into that stall and destroy your creation in
the most foul and disrespectful way any human can.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pretty absurd, right? Pretty awful. And yet we do this with
our lives every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We take how many
years to create the ultimate piece of art each of us has to showcase in the world:
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">our
lives</i></b>, and we throw them in the toilet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We sacrifice them to jobs that squelch the beauty out of us because we
are told by social proof from the time we are children that this is what we
must do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We let teachers steal our gifts
and friends convince us that we are less than we really are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We settle for lovers who do not touch us or
gaze into our eyes and say, “You are beautiful.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We let doctors corrupt our understanding of
heath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We let TV feed us cynicism and dysfunction
like geese being force fed for foie gras: in both cases the end being the same….<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We drug ourselves on food and booze and superficiality
until we are numb.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And what’s the result after we take our masterpieces and toss
them in the can?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We isolate ourselves from each other. We close ourselves off
with cynicism and anger. We talk only about ourselves and avoid making real connections
with others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We hold anyone who wishes
to get to know us with contempt, because after all, we tossed out masterpiece in
a fucking crapper, so what the hell could they possibly see in us?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are suspicious and jaded and, goddamnit
we like it that way! Because, fuck it, we’re gonna show the world how much we
hate it because, after all, it forced us to give up our beauty didn’t it?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Or did it?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve said it before, to you, my friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Either in my books or blog posts, or even to
some of you in person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You cannot create
beauty in this world if you are not willing to make the space for that that
thing to be defended.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whether it be our
ideas, our art, our romance, enthusiasm, prosperity or hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You cannot create beauty and then throw it in
the fucking trash, because it is worse than if you’d never even tried to make
beauty to begin with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And if you choose not
to create beauty, right here, right now, in this world full of billions of people because the price is just too high to learn how to defend it: if you are
choosing not to make that magical thing that can grow between people and
animals and nature when beauty is present, then you are not only throwing your masterpiece
away, but you’re pissing on what you were made for.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You may say, “But Hayden I’ve been hurt.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To you I say, “What artist hasn’t been?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You are an artist. And your life is the beautiful thing you
are creating. From great hurt can come great understanding and profound revelation
about the nature of <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>what we are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But only if you choose to see it that way; if
you choose to remain open and childlike in your appreciation of the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br />
<br />
When I was a boy, I used look at around at people who
claimed they wanted to be happy, to be in love and find romance, to be
prosperous and enthusiastic and creative and I’d watch them push those things away
every time they showed up in their lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Every chance they got to be happy, they chose victimhood, sadness and
self-pity instead: because those things were easier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were familiar.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I used to say to a friend of mine back then, “Most people
spend their lives just missing it.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
was a horrifying thought, that propelled me to look further for answers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a thought that that I’ll leave you with
now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I’ll leave you with this bit of hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are two big keys to gaining a life that
full of romance, enthusiasm, prosperity and hope that I’m going to share with
you now...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">laughter</i>, the other is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sincerity</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you can take those two clues I’ve given
you and do something meaningful with them, nothing will stop you ever again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because they will lead to everything that’s
really important in this world.</div>
Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-68585783572750289902013-11-10T10:42:00.002-08:002013-12-18T18:30:30.471-08:00Are These Men Who Kiss Gay?!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I was younger I struggled to published stories about
men who loved other men.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was very frustrating
because I thought I had something valuable to say, but my words bounced off of
publishers who didn’t want books about men who—god forbid—kissed each other or—even
worse—overcame obstacles, found magic in the world and realized happiness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I left writing and publishing for awhile because
of that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then, with the birth of the new
era of publishing I returned to writing and went back to creating the kind of
stories I always wanted to create with the freedom of not having anyone else telling
me how I had to do it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It seems rather hypocritical now that many of those same people
who wouldn’t touch the stuff I was writing back then have jumped on this new “gay
fiction” trend. Ideas I came up with twenty years ago that I couldn’t sell then
are now flooding the marketplace. Stories about men loving men are hot right
now. The topic is on fire and seems very interesting to many.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What’s also interesting is that, in many cases, the reasons
for interest are superficial ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Physicality, identity and gender stereotypes abound: all of the things
that keep people limited in their experience are the reasons why many people
are attracted to the subject.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those are
OK subjects to cling to if you want to stay isolated, angry and anti-social,
but we’re living in a world full of humans, who, the majority of which, don’t
necessarily fit the tiny mold that each of us casts him/herself into.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At some point, we have to reach out past what
we do in the bedroom or how we define ourselves on insurance forms and touch people
(smiling wickedly) where we are similar.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying everyone does
this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some people, like me, just want to
read a good story and they love well-developed characters and a forbidden adventure,
regardless of all that other garbage. I really don’t care that Yuko in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">xxxHolic </i>was a woman, That Han Solo was
a dude who dug chicks, or that River Tam in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Firefly</i>
was a freakin’ basket case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of these
characters kicked ass and went beyond human limitations to become examples of something
heroic. And the people who understand that concept are the ones I write for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
See, growing up my favorite stories were either fairytales, children’s
adventure novels, or those written by writers <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>like John Irving who seemed to care about
bigger issues than what someone did with their penis or a vagina.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Irving was great because he said shit like: “We
invent what we love and what we fear…”; “Just when you begin thinking of
yourself as memorable, you run into someone who can't even remember having met
you…”; and, “You've got to get obsessed and stay obsessed…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those were things, I thought, worth saying,
because they were things that, if understood, could change a life: any life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But something very strange started happening to me after I wrote
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Year of the Bull</i> and was working on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Anatomy of a Wish</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People started asking me if <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Anatomy</i> was going to be a, “gay novel.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That baffled me for two reasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First: I had spent so many years writing “gay
stories” that no one gave a shit about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And second, for years gay people have been begging everyone to take them
seriously, to accept them as they are without conditions; and yet, the first
thing we do when we demand everything or most things in our lives be labeled as
“gay” is set up conditions.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s very telling that this stuff is going on in our
stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because our stories mirror our
lives and our values.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And if you watch,
you can see how those limits are playing out in our world. The isolation and
confusion currently affecting people from the labels that we are constantly coming
up with is astonishing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The other day I saw
someone refer to “the community” as LBGTQ.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A friend of mine was confused because they didn’t know what the Q stood
for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to confess I didn’t know either.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But then I wondered how many freaking initials
we have to have to divide an already small group?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are there enough letters in the alphabet to classify
us by our flavor of hurt that we will ever be satisfied?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when we are finally the
LBGTQRSTUVHUNLOPFSCXZAC community will we finally be at peace or further dividing
our identities by algebraic equations to keep the separation going?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recently single again, I went with a friend to a bar the other
night for the first time in like ten years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When we were younger she and I went out all the time and we were always
baffled by how hard <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>people worked at
separating themselves from each other; but now, it’s almost hysterical the
limits people are putting on themselves and trying to put on others. People
kept asking us if I we were a couple.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
would look at them smile and say, “No, I really love men (And I’m pretty good
at it.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is that…um…” *still smiling* “…OK?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They all crashed because they saw the genuine, non-sexual affection
my friend and I had for each other and were confused by it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(They were also confused by the passion I have
for loving men: but then, passion seems to be a thing people are afraid of these
days.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But let me ask you: If we can’t have
affection for each other that goes beyond gender and sex how can we ever expect
to find the love we as humans claim to really want?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That same night, a dude we were talking to showed us his
sparkly phone case and asked us if it was too gay?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is that even possible? I mean—seriously, do
the people who would judge anyone for having a sparkly phone case really matter
in anyone’s lives?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I specifically chose to classify my books as “Urban Fantasy”
because I wanted people to realize that they weren’t just about “gay people”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh yes, men kiss in my books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And some even have sex with each other if it’s
important to what’s going on in the story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But there are other characters in my books too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the new book I’m working on, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Particle</i>, has a lot of characters
who really don’t think pride parades are the highlight of the summer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There comes a point in your life when you really begin to understand
the truth of the things you tell yourself as a kid when you’re coming out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Love <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i>
Love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">are</i> people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And there should
be bigger experiences we try to aim for in art then how we can best label ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The phrase, “Is it a gay book,” should be outdated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we can’t reach each other in our stories
in ways that illicit romance, enthusiasm, hope and prosperity then we have no
business claiming we’re artists.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because
those four things are what will bring about the kind of changes we need to see in
the world now. If our art stops at gender, sexuality, and identity then we
limit ourselves from the truly powerful experiences that awaken us to each
other as humans like our ability to come together, heal each other and create
unity and wholeness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Those of you who’ve read <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Anatomy
of a Wish</i> know that I threw a curve ball into the gender thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was on purpose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I wanted people to start feeling the truth
of what they are: that we are something bigger than these bodies we reside in
and all the tiny labels we attach to them like travel stickers on a
suitcase.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The connections we have to
other people are more significant and at the same time more fragile than we
have ever imagined.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And if we really
want the things we say we do: love, respect, honor and a deep connectedness to
others, at some point we have to stop looking at the superficial flesh and
realize that we are something so much more than an “X” or “Y” community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are vessels for something that could become limitless.</div>
Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-51292841436969827272013-09-23T09:24:00.000-07:002015-07-15T13:10:42.536-07:00The Top Ten Reasons Why College Writing Programs Will Annihilate Any Hopes You Had of Ever Being A Writer<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The Top Ten Reasons Why College
Writing Programs Will Annihilate Any Hopes You Had of Ever Being A Writer</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
By Hayden Chance</div>
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So you want to be a writer?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You should be</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Never have there been more opportunities for
someone who wants to write to create fiction, publish it and sell it to an
audience than in this current age of Amazon and eBooks. But if you're thinking that
you haven’t succeeded so far because you need to enter a college writing
program or get an MFA in fiction writing, maybe you should think again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s nothing those programs will teach you
that you can’t learn from just doing it. A writer is one who writes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The more you write, the more you learn. Period. </div>
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<br /></div>
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With over a decade of experience attending writing programs,
then almost another decade teaching them, I’ve seen the ugly side of college writing
departments and the fact is: they’re not really there to help you succeed as a
writer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’re there to take your
tuition check.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They get paid whether you
succeed as a writer or not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And very few
of them have any real-world experience that will be of any help to you or your
writing career.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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The best experience you can get is to get your work out in
front of people who <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">read</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Readers are the ones who determine which stories will be remembered and which ones will be forgotten.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having a network of friends who read<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and who are honest with you about your work is
far more valuable to you than any professor will ever be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your friends want to see you succeed and be
happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A professor really only wants you
to acknowledge his or her supreme authority.</div>
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<br />
These are the secrets no one will tell you.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Number ten: Most college
writing classes are more like group therapy sessions than dynamic environments
for producing engaging and provocative work.</b> Talking about your feelings is
great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes it’s even necessary,
but that’s what good friends and families are for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Honestly, is it really in the best interest
of your writing career to take out thousands of dollars in student loans to sit
in a circle and talk about other people’s relationship issues?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some people who really don’t understand the
difference between fiction and no-fiction like to write thinly veiled pieces
about their current life difficulties and then ‘workshop’ them so that they can
justify their life dysfunction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
also tend to end up being the ones whose “stories” get the most attention in
class.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t believe me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first time you watch someone run out of
the classroom crying because someone says they feel the protagonist in their
first person narrative is not someone the audience can like or
identify with will change your mind.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Number nine: College
writing programs discourage the pace you need to keep to succeed as a writer.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The more actual books you sell, the greater
your chances of being able make a living writing. You have a better chance
selling more books if you have more books out there for people to buy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That means, simply, you have to write a lot
of books to sell a lot of books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Producing
two finished short stories or chapters in a fifteen week period is way too slow
a pace to keep competitive in today’s fiction market.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You need to write a lot of solid, engaging
work in short periods of time to build a reading audience that can support your
career.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You cannot do that if you take
four, five or even fifteen years to “workshop” a book, which most college
writing programs happily encourage you to do.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Number eight: College
writing programs encourage working on a story long after its vitality is gone.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ever catch fireflies in a jar when you were a
kid?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, writing is like that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is a limited time in which you can
catch the spark before the dawn comes and all the glitter is gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you don’t complete a book or story when
it’s hot inside you, you will lose it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Spending years on a book or story does a disservice to your creative
impulse and drains it of all its freshness and vigor. Strike while the iron is
hot is an apt cliché here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A story that
has gone cold because you’ve changed from who you were when you had your
original impulse will lack integrity and seem disjointed to your reader.<br />
<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Number seven: There’s
more emphasis on ethnicity, gender and political correctness than on producing solid
and engaging stories.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes the
best stories and most engaging characters are the ones who break all of the
social taboos and norms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not talking
about perversions and kinky sex stories, which college writing programs seem to
be adept at producing. (I once had to sit through a featured writer’s reading
at a well-known Chicago arts college where a young man stood before a room full
of people and read his excruciatingly graphic piece about a guy tying down and
having sex with a deer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was no
plot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No story outside of the actual sex
act.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was honored by the department as
a progenitor of excellent writing.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No,
I’m talking about the characters who aren’t afraid to be bad and break all
social norms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those characters are usually
the ones audiences love the most and, coincidentally, the ones who most easily offend
college writing professors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have no problem
with truly multi-cultural characters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
don’t care if a character is white, black, gay, straight, woman or man,
Japanese, Chinese or Māori so long as they aren’t stereotypes and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do</i> something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stories that try to be “edgy” by rambling on about
gender, sexuality or ethnicity in lieu of a plot are insulting to a readers' intelligence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Number six: Writing
programs discourage creativity with elitism</b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are only certain types of stories that
college writing programs recognize as quality: those in the Literary Fiction
genre.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The other stuff, you know, the
stuff people actually want to read, is most often looked down upon in college
writing programs as marginal or unsophisticated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Openly asserting that you can only appreciate stories that fit
into a narrow, academic pigeonhole is really a pretty superficial way of approaching
writing and shows a lack of sophistication in the reader, not the writer.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Number five:</b> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Most writing professors have never actually
finished, published or sold a book and yet they get paid to teach you how to do
it.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those few who have actually published have usually done so through their college writing department or university
presses and have no idea how a writer actually goes about building an audience
and selling his or her work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It makes
you wonder how they established themselves in the position of guru to begin
with, doesn’t it?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Number four: College
writing programs encourage writers’ block.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Where your mind<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>goes, your energy
flows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only do they always talk
about writers’ block in college writing programs, which gets you to focus on
being blocked rather than on producing work, but very few, if any of them, have
any effective methods of conquering the block they install by constantly
talking about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Writers need solid
processes to enable creativity. Writing in a journal, which is the answer most
college writing professors will give people about countering writers’ block, is
not a solid process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a way to start
a career as a diarist and diffuse an otherwise powerful story
impulse that could grow into a novel if cultivated in the right
process.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Number three:</b> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Writing programs encourage rewriting for
the sake of rewriting.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s a
dirty little secret that no one in the writing world wants to let anyone else
know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m going blow the lid off it
right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">can</i> actually write great work in a first draft.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cannot count the number of student first
drafts I read when I was teaching that were perfect just the way they were and only got worse the more they
were fiddled with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of the scenes
I’ve written that have totally blown people away were either not rewritten or
only slightly rewritten.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>College writing
programs constantly encourage you to second guess your work and rewrite it
endlessly until what started as vibrant, passionate and engaging is
self-absorbed and flat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just because you
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">can</i> rewrite something, doesn’t always
mean you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">should</i>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Number two: If a
writing professor doesn’t have anything constructive to say about your work, he
will say something unproductive so that he doesn’t lose his position of
authority.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is nothing more
detrimental to one’s position as writing teacher than a student whose work is
so strong it needs no critique.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Often it
happens that a young student proves to have more life experience and talent
than his teacher.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When that happens, the
teacher will invent all sorts of BS to make it look like the student needs to change
something that should be left the fuck alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>On those occasions many students in the class will join the teacher in
trying to make that student feel inadequate when he or she isn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The smart students will approach that young
writer on the side and say something like: “Don’t listen to them. It’s great as
it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just publish it!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, this can set up cognitive
dissonance in the young writer’s mind that can do great damage to his or her psyche. That damage never would
have been there had he or she just avoided the whole college-writing program
trap to begin with.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Number one:</b> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Writing programs will make you doubt your
own talents and abilities</b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a
friend who was actually told by his white, male writing professor that he could
not write stories about magic or magical realism because he wasn’t a black or
South American woman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My friend took the
man’s words to heart for years before he finally realized such advice was complete
and utter bullshit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His use of magic in
his fiction not only became the signature of his writing, but became the thing
his readers <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">relished</i> about his work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which means his professor discouraged his true
style because of his narrow-mindedness and limited vision!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Quite often a professor who has no eye for
talent in others discourages the very thing that could make a writer
great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is the number one reason to
avoid such programs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why risk letting
someone crush your dreams because they lack vision?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s just not worth it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-91047245206019627162013-09-11T16:18:00.000-07:002013-09-11T16:20:51.579-07:00What's Real Literature?<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3,"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent">One
thing I always find interesting about literature. The academic
organizations like to talk about the need for diversity in literature.
They laud the need for stories that contains characters who are women or
gay or black or disabled, etc. The academic organizations also like to
think they are the gatekeepers of great art. But they're not. They
only praise what's safe.<br /> <br /> Comic books did all that decades ago.
Not only did they have powerful and heroic characters like the Black
Falcon or Professor X or Jean Gray or even malcontents like Lobo and
Hellboy: but, they didn't apologize for them. People need heroic
characters to aspire to and look up to or they become dark and
self-centered. We could learn a lot from comics, and fairytales and
sci-fi and anime: all the art that academia calls "marginal" or
"immature". <br /> <br /> Schools seem to like stories about slaves or
slavery. But humans need stories about people who are free. Maybe,
just maybe, the schools got it all wrong. Or maybe, just maybe, they
wanted to get it all wrong.</span></span></span></h5>
Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-78535136182689034082013-09-10T09:20:00.004-07:002013-09-10T09:22:42.300-07:00Anatomy of a Wish Hits the Top New Urban Fantasy Bestsellers List!Nothing like waking up on a Tuesday to discover you've achieved your lifelong goal of becoming a bestselling novelist.... Thanks to everyone who has already purchased Anatomy of a Wish. And for those of you who haven't bought it yet: thank you in advance for remembering to by it. :D You can get it on Amazon.com, Smashwords.com and it will soon be on all the other e-reading devices.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ7P_zMRbixFWQRzDqRTyKHB_lk-fIc6cBJvZGtNt_Y72ACS_nmYkmHidHHiBSk_HvbOneyqmXQhx4cCMpf8uIpa8cxFTgpvDIMBntgVpArPLK1cL89Zzl9IHbktFEAiLBnQMdNXW03WT9/s1600/bestseller2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="520" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ7P_zMRbixFWQRzDqRTyKHB_lk-fIc6cBJvZGtNt_Y72ACS_nmYkmHidHHiBSk_HvbOneyqmXQhx4cCMpf8uIpa8cxFTgpvDIMBntgVpArPLK1cL89Zzl9IHbktFEAiLBnQMdNXW03WT9/s640/bestseller2.png" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-60536909194876540972013-09-07T09:46:00.005-07:002013-09-07T09:48:01.866-07:00New Novel release!!!!<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">Anatomy
of a Wish will be released (Trumpet Flourish!!!!) On Monday, September 9. Thanks to
all of you awesome readers who have been patient these last couple of
weeks. I have the best readers in the world ;D Cheers to you guys, and
here's hoping it was worth the wait!</span></span></h5>
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"> </span></span></h5>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyBGQBxXu4rpE7w1TpTcIern9Dg72bvLw4AbwXYhnDBKWUZz_hJAAPc85r5w1yrjbQLmU-FnpkIrslZuCL3JMuJZkR4EnPDNIJ8OVe3a7Fw8oq8_-wn2DALBnWTRG8qgXKAF5LSaiUkkAP/s1600/Anatomyfinalcover.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyBGQBxXu4rpE7w1TpTcIern9Dg72bvLw4AbwXYhnDBKWUZz_hJAAPc85r5w1yrjbQLmU-FnpkIrslZuCL3JMuJZkR4EnPDNIJ8OVe3a7Fw8oq8_-wn2DALBnWTRG8qgXKAF5LSaiUkkAP/s640/Anatomyfinalcover.png" width="480" /></a></div>
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Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-31397004395797334372013-08-12T11:22:00.000-07:002013-09-10T17:26:40.443-07:00Anatomy of a Wish<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
The new cover from the forthcoming novel from Hayden Chance, entitled, <i>Anatomy of a Wish</i>. It's his fourth novel from Dorje Publishing. What do you guys think?</div>
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<br />Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-60107698605516117692012-09-07T14:23:00.002-07:002012-09-07T14:23:42.784-07:00What Do You Expect From Gay Stories?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Gay Fiction has struggled for a long time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Back in the eighties and nineties it was mostly
about pornography or graphic gay sex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Guy
on guy fiction was either about domination, slavery, cruising, muscle or coming
out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And though these subjects work for
some readers, other readers did want and still do more from their gay
stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They want to read about characters
who grow, who overcome obstacles, who find happily ever after.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And why shouldn’t they?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People read stories to find hope and motivation
and to engage their imagination.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So why
shouldn’t our stories be more complex?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, there’s a current trend of women writing our fiction for
us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s nothing wrong with women
wanting to get in on stories about gay love—after all, strong men are engaging,
exciting and enticing to read about. The fact that women want to write about
gay men or man on man stories is just proof of how captivating this “men for
men” arena really is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s rich and
forbidden.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The subject is still Taboo to
some.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all: don’t you feel excited
about the possibility of taking a forbidden adventure?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But what about those of us who want to read fiction from gay
male authors who’ve had the experience?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Who’ve been there?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can’t deny
that an author writing about what he knows intimately gives a story a sense of
authenticity.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gay stories about men in love don’t have to be just about gay
sex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Granted, sex is a part of life and
is a great motivator for some character—many a guy’s life has gone terribly
wrong because he was thinking from his sex glands rather than his head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But you can’t deny that Many great stories
have nothing to do with sex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And we, as
men, hopefully have more to us than our physical desires and lust.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our stories can and should can have complex plots and fully
developed characters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They needn’t be
about stereotypes from writers who haven’t had real-life, first-hand experience
with the subject matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And something
in the stories should happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stories
about gay guys should have fully developed plots that should not only delve
into some greater truth, but that should mirror the natural process a human
goes through when he or she experiences change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Otherwise, what’s the point of reading a story to begin with? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hope you enjoy Forbidden and Taboo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only do they take the reader through the struggles
of being gay, of the pitfalls behind finding love, but they address some huge
real world issues that face all of us now, issues that very few are willing to
own up to right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Issues like: have
we been lied to?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are our gifts stolen
from us when we are very young?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is our educational
system hobbling us?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What metaphysical forces
lie below the surface of our every day experiences? And do our leaders have our
best interests at heart?</div>
Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-78560374625699916672012-09-04T10:53:00.004-07:002012-09-04T11:38:02.283-07:00Be careful the contracts you make...<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/4rYwf2gqn58?rel=0" width="420"></iframe>Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-8702770671718195382012-08-27T16:24:00.002-07:002012-08-27T16:24:44.794-07:00Your ex was wrong. Fairytales do come true for guys like you...<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/thXLD8M_Q34?rel=0" width="560"></iframe>Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-61708617992723847582012-08-25T13:28:00.003-07:002013-11-15T12:17:55.072-08:00Do You Know What the Ultimate Taboo Is?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How do you feel when you turn on the television and see individuals
engaging in simulated sex? Or portraying drug use?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How do you feel when, in a news story, you
hear the account of someone who was raped?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Or see a social media story about a priest or teacher who forced a child
to have sex with them, or worse?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The other day a friend of mine posted a still frame on his
facebook account from one of those daytime tabloid shows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was of a teenage black girl and under her
picture was her name and the fact that she’d recently had sex with a man for a “lobster
buffet dinner”. Of course the reaction of everyone to the photo was laughter
and mockery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The inevitable evolution of
the absurdity that has become our public treatment of what we once saw as shocking
or, at the very least, private.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s strange, isn’t it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That the greatest Taboo in our society right now isn’t sex or drug use.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It isn’t violence or rape.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It isn’t incest or <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>pedophilia or necrophilia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It isn’t prostitution or cannibalism. It isn’t
bondage or S&M. It isn’t gluttony, infidelity, pride or deceit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It isn’t any of these things. Doesn’t it feel
like somehow some of these things should shock us?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or at the very least present us with some sense
of mystery?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But they don’t, do they? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In fact, all of these topics are portrayed vividly and
matter-of-factly any time of the day or night you care to log into the internet,
or flip on your TV, or slap down your ten bucks at the theatre to see the
latest blockbuster.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Constantly, we are
barraged with these topics by tepid minds who believe they are being clever,
counter-cultural or shocking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or worse, by
those who are trying to desensitize us, break down our boundaries and force us into
the constant discomfort between the extremes of utter titillation and total disgust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The other day in a public Laundromat I saw, on one of fifteen TV's hanging from every angle in the place, a cable show
dedicated to the hundred most violent and horrifying deaths of all time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each one of them was vividly reenacted with actors
and stunning special effects while it was described in matter of fact detail by
a expressionless narrator.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one in the
Laundromat thought that this was a strange thing to see there.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s as if, in desensitizing people from these things, the
real taboo becomes less obvious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it’s
there if you pay attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In all of
the arguments for gay rights, abortion, rape, public health care, teen sex,
political scandal, race tension, terrorism, murder and suicide there is one
thing missing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One thing that no one
wants to talk about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or, if it is talked
about, it’s met with scorn and derision and dismissed by those who quickly put
up another shocking photo of a teenage girl who recently gave her priest a blow
job for a number seven value meal and a two slices of Eli’s cheesecake.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The most horrifying, objectionable Taboo is any individual
who stands up and says he does not want to be a slave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To any religion, or government, to any job or
academic institution.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The real Taboo, my
friends, is advocating self-reliance and freedom. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why is such an
assertion so shocking?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That one should
want to be free and have the right to his own choices?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To speak the way he wishes to speak or
disregard political correctness?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why must
he be punished for not paying homage to everyone else’s damage and victimhood
or for not conforming to what the man or woman down the street defines as a ‘good
person’?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why is it despicable that he
should want to learn to defend himself and those he cares about rather than
recklessly and irresponsibly trusting someone else to do it for him?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why is it shocking?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because
the world is dangerous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are
terrorist out there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Evil men want to
rape you and your children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You may get
sick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You need to give your power to us
so we can protect you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Someone is going
to attack you for your gender, race or sexual preference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or worse, someone may call you a fatty on the
bus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And you won’t be able to protect
yourself. We’ll make sure of that. So let us make laws for you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lots and lots of laws that you too will eventually
fall victim to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How does that make you feel?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>To know that the very individuals who are desensitizing you to all of
the perversions that they find titillating are trying to make your most basic
freedom to be independent and self sufficient, to grow and become actualized the
greatest Taboo of all?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That they are
using your own security fears against you so that you give up your
independence?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It should make you feel afraid. Uncomfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Angry. Outraged.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And if it doesn’t, try this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Next time you’re waiting for your Chinese take out and see a twelve year
old on a talk show slap her mother, or find yourself sitting in front of a big
screen watching some dude giving a simulated hand job to another, ask yourself
this question: Why would I feel that the guy who wants to be optimistic and live his life his way, who doesn’t want to be forced into
someone else’s idea of healthcare, or who thinks political correctness is a
form of thought control, or who would rather all governments stay out of his
personal relationships—why would I feel that is more shocking than <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this</i>?</div>
Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-18709165869721688282012-08-06T11:24:00.001-07:002012-08-16T22:41:44.067-07:00What do you do when your childhood vows come back to hold you to your word?Out now. A fairytale of a different kind, for adults...<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brian Cooper is having a very bad day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s awakened with the worst hangover of his
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s lying next to the date from
hell who won’t leave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And a vow he made
in his childhood has suddenly appeared on his front door to haunt him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To top it all off it’s the Year of the Bull,
which, according to the crazy little waiter at a trendy Chinese restaurant may
be his lucky year IF he actually lives through it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the day progresses, however, that seems
less and less likely…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Join Brian in the adventure of his life as he rekindles
passions he thought were dead, finds the hero inside him and rights the wrongs
of this world in this hysterical fairytale for adults.<br />
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij_nCT83az7Z6fhfSOKORjbc0ondkUSIs1a2ffmeBzyM_XEqYRROjS_-8QC8mRTTGnTteE7sJsfgQ6E7Jrb8YCqLAs4KrlsrT9Yk-xm2hP5sXUzAr_pikrfWJfbpcPb7xhhjMUHcK3oXpx/s320/FinalCover.jpg" width="240" /> </div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Year-Bull-ebook/dp/B008YJ2CKU/ref=pd_rhf_gw_p_t_1" style="color: yellow;" target="_blank">Click here to take a look inside</a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-30564016188281016732012-05-07T16:04:00.005-07:002012-05-07T16:19:02.461-07:00Why you SHOULD Change For Your Relationships.<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
People tweet it, text it and say it to each other over coffee-house
tables. They post it in bold script in pithy little e-cards on Facebook,
decorated with line-drawings of frustrated 50’s housewives. Celebrities say it in interviews on late-night
talk shows while we watch in bed, nodding and telling ourselves: “What great wisdom
Theater majors have.” You hear it in songs and read it in books. It’s written as dialogue in movies and plays.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It seems a harmless couple of phrases, and at first glance, full
of veracity: “Don’t change for anyone. You
be who you are.” It reminds one of grade
school and how young teenage girls would write in each others' year books in
pink, permanent marker: <i>2 Good 2B 4gotten.
Don’t ever change! XXXOOO</i><i> </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Can you imagine how horrifying that would be? To wander through life with the emotional and
intellectual maturity of a frustrated 8<sup>th</sup> grader who’s most desperate
need is to be accepted by other frustrated and insecure 8<sup>th</sup> graders? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Still, adolescents aren’t the only ones to say it. We hear it all the time as adults from
parents, from friends, from “experts” on talk shows. “Don’t change for anyone,” They say. “You be yourself!”<br />
<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And just which “self” are we supposed to hold to so uncompromisingly? The self we are at work? The self we area around
our parents? The self we are at home while
we’re warming up a family-sized frozen lasagna for one? Or while we’re being a
parent? Or is it the self we are when we’re
out partying with our friends? Is it the
self who sits alone on a Tuesday night reading a book? The self who wants blood when our favorite hockey
team is losing? Is it the self we are when
we’re jerking off to our darkest fantasies (Don’t deny it—you know you’ve got a
dark side.) Or is it the self we are
when we’re standing on Sacred Ground and we feel closest to that bolt of Divinity
that zings through all of this chaos and tells our heart that there is some
kind of Holy Order to all this mess?<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Which of these "selves" are we supposed to cling so firmly to
when we’re in a relationship and not give up for the sake of another? Humans are constantly changing. There is no such thing as
consistency even though we lie and tell ourselves there is. If there was we wouldn’t develop gray hair
and wrinkles, wouldn’t end up buried in six feet of dirt like every human who
ever came before us. And why shouldn’t
we change? Why is change so bad? And why
are people so keen on telling everyone else to be inflexible and immovable in their
relationships? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Don’t change,” they say.
Subtext: “Let your lover bend to <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">your</i></b> will, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i>y</i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">our</i></b> needs, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i>y</i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">our </i></b>caprices.”<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What
sort of person refuses to change when they’re in a relationship? The person who is either going to end up
leaving that relationship or be destroyed by it. People who can change are the people who can
adapt and find happiness in any situation. The also have what it takes to grow with someone else.
The people who can’t are put on medication to make sure they can stay
one mood all the time in all situations. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Have you ever taken a walk in nature and seen what happens
to areas that do not change? They fester. Water becomes stagnant. Blood drinkers appear: mosquitoes, ticks, and
other nasty biters. Animals get sick and
die because their food and drink gets poisoned.
Carrion eaters show up. The place
smells foul, of death. Things rot. It’s only when floods or rain showers come in
and wash all that rot away that healthy things can begin to grow again in such
spaces. What makes humans believe they
are so far removed from nature?
Everything in nature is meant to change.
EVERYTHING.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People who refuse to change in their relationships, because
of their relationships or in relation to others end up like these static places. If you get into a relationship you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">should</i> change. You <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">will</i>
change. If you don’t, you’re not in a relationship:
you’re inflexibly inflicting your damage on someone else. Relationships—real relationships anyway—should
help us to become better. To grow and be
more than we could be on our own. They
should unlock potentials in us that would otherwise remain inaccessible. Relationships should show us contrast because
it’s through contrast we learn very valuable things. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We get into relationships to begin with because we feel an
absence of something. If we didn’t we wouldn’t need to have lovers. Every one of us falls in love because we want
someone else to accept us, cherish us and act as a mirror of who we are. Relationships should help us to become aware
of something bigger than just ourselves. If they don’t they aren’t
relationships. They are self-centered
indulgences.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The current trend of encouraging people to be inflexible in their
relationships and consider only their own needs is the very sort of advice that’s
leading to such a high break up rate. The fact is: if we never change, never
grow, we might as well walk around scribbling adolescent wisdom into each others’
yearbooks: ”I like you as you are.
So, don’t you ever grow or be different than you are at this moment. Because that makes me uncomfortable.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Which, if you think about it, is really the gist of it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, love. Grow. Change.
Get messy and see what the hell this thing really is we call life. Become bigger and better then you ever could
on your own. Watch what kind of power unity with another can give you. See what else you can become. Otherwise, what’s the point?</div>Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-38861094122500322342012-04-26T19:18:00.002-07:002012-04-26T19:19:50.442-07:00The new novel cover. Aiden and The Dark Man are back in this exciting sequel to Taboo. Out soon.
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3hoHaymvvga41yGnd_04_S2jmD_FLWOr3lUpeXY_cCIII4Z6Rh0ZWXtkjPrzYSygzcKKTq3TR5nhoizg37zNFDtGLKLfTPFZwTzsuCiZYecqVzvvHrmhaa5CJ4TmqGXyDBq5lI_6uyi9-/s1600/Forbiddencover.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3hoHaymvvga41yGnd_04_S2jmD_FLWOr3lUpeXY_cCIII4Z6Rh0ZWXtkjPrzYSygzcKKTq3TR5nhoizg37zNFDtGLKLfTPFZwTzsuCiZYecqVzvvHrmhaa5CJ4TmqGXyDBq5lI_6uyi9-/s320/Forbiddencover.png" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-43374368322546729652012-01-19T11:53:00.000-08:002012-01-19T11:53:46.529-08:00The Problem With MYYou hear it all the time. People using my to express their relationship to someone else. It’s a common habit in our culture.<br />
<br />
When’s the last time you said: <i>My </i>husband or <i>my </i>lover or <i>my </i>God? Have you ever thought about what you’re really saying when you do that? Ever wonder if such a simple and seemingly innocent slip of the tongue (innuendo intended) has any lasting, negative effects?<br />
<br />
There’s a problem when we refer to our relationships this way. The possessive pronoun undermines the equality in a relationship by its assertion of ownership of the other individual. It’s a subtle point and one that many people dismiss as inconsequential, but all you have to do is look at the state of relationships right now to see that an attitude of possession is one of the things that squelches the respect, the esteem, the true romance and longevity of our love affairs. <br />
<br />
How much more robust and durable do you think our relationships would be if we met each other with genuine respect and esteem rather than as possessions?<br />
<br />
Even our spiritual relationships are a mess of “<i>my </i>god/<i>your </i>god” attitudes that prevent our ability to see any wonder, hope and power in the world around us. After all, how can you see the miraculous of that which is bigger than you if you place it in a subordinate position to you in your language?<br />
<br />
Words are very powerful. Anyone who’s ever had a bad day turned around by a kind word or a good day crushed by someone else’s criticism knows this. One might even say that everything that comes out of your mouth at any time is either:<br />
<br />
<ul><li>A blessing (it praises someone or something)</li>
<li>An invocation (it calls for someone or something. Like, ‘I’m hungry’ calls for food; or,‘I wish I was young again’, calls for some kind of security.)</li>
<li>A curse (it dams someone or something). </li>
</ul><br />
When you think about your words that way you start to realize how potent they really are. <br />
<br />
Those who know something about the Old Ways also understand a subtle mysticism in all of this. Knowing someone’s true name gives you power over that being. For evidence of this read the story of how Isis took Ra’s power from him by learning his secret name.<br />
<br />
That said, realize that every time you call someone “my” you are invoking ownership over that person’s life and claiming their power as your own by naming them as one of your possessions. After all, the accomplishments, feelings, dreams, hopes, hurts and victories of a person are the things that make a person. To refer to someone as <i>my </i>lover or <i>my </i>husband or <i>my </i>wife is to claim all of those things as your own. It places us as the subject of the sentence and them as the object. To do this is to deny them the freedom of being <i><b>their own creative source for those things</b></i>.<b><i> </i></b><br />
<br />
It’s the first step towards what Italian grandmothers use to refer to as ‘overlooking someone’. Also known as the <i>evil eye</i>. To overlook someone is to deny their power, their beauty, their innate talents. It’s on the road towards pushing an individual into being something you want them to be rather than something they really are. The results of that are disastrous, even sinful, because they cause a person to deny at their source who they really are. All of us know how very horrible it feels when we deny who we really are because someone else wants us to be something else.<br />
<br />
So, where does this habit of using ‘my’ lead us?<br />
<br />
It leads to frustration, dissatisfaction and unfulfilled relationships. It gets us in the habit of making unbalanced agreements and tarnishes our understanding of our own true value. It creates fundamental chaos at our cores and prevents us from seeing the truth of what we really are.<br />
<br />
So is there hope? Of course there is. There is always hope, providing we’re willing to see it. And we’ll talk about that hope in the next few blogs on this subject. <br />
<br />
But first, we’ll continue with this discussion by looking at what using ‘my’ reveals about your mental state and your potential for happiness.<br />
<br />
Until then…don’t be afraid to be bad.Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-74387508989564616782011-12-27T15:17:00.000-08:002012-01-19T18:36:42.437-08:00What if everything they've ever told you is a lie?<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ah5d2MY8wtw" width="420">&amp;lt;p&amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;http://www.amazon.com/Taboo-ebook/dp/B006OSMDHU/ref=pd_rhf_gw_p_t_1&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;lt;/p&amp;gt;</iframe><br />
<br />
<br />
Fill that Kindle with something Taboo: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Taboo-ebook/dp/B006OSMDHU/ref=pd_rhf_gw_p_t_1" style="color: lime;">http://www.amazon.com/Taboo-ebook/dp/B006OSMDHU/ref=pd_rhf_gw_p_t_1</a>Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-27602763858875424122011-12-27T12:15:00.000-08:002011-12-27T12:31:30.737-08:00Is love in your heart or your head?<div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal">Every author that writes about relationships is bound to have some strong opinions about how humans love and relate. I won’t deny there’s always been a strong romance element to everything I write. Maybe it’s because love’s always fascinated me. It’s astonishing to see what people will do to be loved and accepted. How many will face incredible fears and risk so much on the chance of being cherished by someone else? It's truly mystifying.<br />
<br />
Ever notice how some things defy traditional logic? How some things are bigger than right or wrong, good or bad, up or down. I'm sure you can all think of times when something defied your codes of understanding or you took a risk even though it didn't seem sensible. Love does that for us, you know? It changes the rules and makes us wander into the gray areas and see bigger pictures. At least it does when it's the good stuff! </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">When I was young I believed passionately love was all in the heart. Two decades later I know love is all in the mind. (Others of you, I know for a fact will argue it’s in the testicles but that’s another blog.) But there’s one thing all lovers need to be aware of: love is an equal exchange. A value for value partnership. It’s when that value is missing or the perception of that the value exchange is missing that partnerships tend to break down.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
Now, some of you may find this very shocking because the concept is either contradictory to your own experience or so foreign to you that it doesn’t even register intuitively. It's amazing how many people get uncomfortable when you say that love should be a value for value exchange. But think about it for a minute. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
Think about those times when you were most unhappy in love. It was most likely because some violation of this value for value ‘golden rule’ was violated. Either you gave something to someone and they didn’t respond in kind or there was some agreement that was made, either clearly stated or understood that one or both of the parties violated.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Now, in some cases the partnership is unequal but both parties have agreed to this arrangement. Many of you know people, maybe close friends or members of your own families, who wish to be the slave or unequal of another. In such cases if both people agree to this then there is an actual value for value exchange. Even if both parties don’t verbally agree to an uneven exchange, the fact that both parties stay in the relationship constitutes an agreement. The very act of staying in a dissatisfying relationship, for whatever the reason, overrides any emotional dissatisfaction either party may feel about the relationship. An agreement for dissatisfaction is, in this case, the value for value exchange. That’s one of the fascinating things about love. It doesn’t have to be satisfying to draw two people together. In many cases it is, in fact, the suffering, the sympathy, the pain that one or both parties really seek to feed on.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The value for value that I'm speaking of here is always in the minds of the individuals. It’s their minds that set that value and seek to have it satisfied. If the value sought is slavery, abuse, indifference, so be it. If the value is equality, inspiration, affection and deep respect, so be it.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
That’s the beauty of freedom. In the end we can choose whatever love we wish to choose. And no matter how we claim to want something extraordinary, something golden and pure, in the end we pick what we value: some experience we think we need or deserve. It may very well be that we were taught to undervalue ourselves, in which case our relationships can clue is in that maybe we should start to see our own worth before we seek to share it with another. That too is valuable.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">But you may say: “That’s just not true, Hayden! I was in a relationship where someone cheated on me, or was unaware of my feelings even though I gave him everything,” <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">or</i> “I loved him and he just walked all over me. That’s just not right!”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
Maybe. Except there’s one thing we all should be aware of: People treat us the way we train them to treat us. If we allow others to treat us in an unequal fashion: to take from us without a value for value exchange, then we are, by our inaction, making an agreement to be treated this way.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The concept behind the lovers in my novel <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Taboo</i>, Aiden and the Dark Man (Yes he does have a name that will come out in book two) is the illustration of the idea that love should leave us better for the experience. Engaging in a love relationship should inspire is to become bigger and better. Not settle for laziness. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So many people say that once they found their partners they let themselves go. Why? Shouldn’t love: that thing that inspires people to face their darkest most terrifying fears inspire people to become better rather than lazy?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">In an ideal world both partners should treat each other with respect and equality. Both rising to the demands of the relationship to become something better: to consider each other’s growth and special talents. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Except there’s one problem with that, it means we have to be excellent ourselves and be generous with that excellence in our relations with others. That takes some self awareness courage and strength. The good news about that: you just have to make a decision that’s what you want and stick to it.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
But then, you wouldn’t want anything less for yourself. Would you?</div>Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262266358143735447.post-24163385284547175512011-12-26T13:05:00.000-08:002012-04-28T21:27:04.113-07:00Two Essentials They Never Told You About Writing<div class="MsoNormal">
One time, in graduate school, during a discussion about ‘audience’, I asked my classmates if they thought writers had a responsibility to their readers. At the very least, shouldn’t they try to use their writing to change people’s limiting beliefs?</div>
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There was a lot of strange writing happening at that Chicago Private Arts grad school I went to. Some of it was pretty abusive, bordering on sick. A lot of it seemed to be aimed at alienating the reader. Even more of it was just lazy and self indulgent. </div>
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The response of my classmates surprised me at the time. Most laughed at the statement. Some openly scoffed. No kidding—they snorted and sniffed like they were saying, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Piss off</i>. Someone actually said “Fuck the reader.” Another said that, “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Artists</i> had a responsibility to their art and nothing more.” The teacher <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Amen</i>-ed that last one. </div>
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That was a long time ago and I’m not sure what happened to any of those people. But for those of you who really want to write, here’s something for you to consider: <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">If you don’t want to change belief then why the hell are you writing?</i></b></div>
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There are plenty of other, easier ways to express yourself. All day long, every day. And they give instant feedback and gratification. But writing is unique. It takes a special kind of dedication, determination and a lot of energy. It utilizes communication—a very complex and powerful thing. And good communication seeks to initiate change. It can bring out the best or worst in people. It can make people question those things that are limiting them or passionately embrace the very shackles that are killing them.</div>
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There are two things to remember as you embark on any journey that’s going to take an investment of your time and energy:</div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">First</b>: do it because you want to make a difference in this world. Whether it’s cooking a meal, making a bed, making love or writing a book. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Do it to make a difference.</i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Second</b>: Do it because you want to change beliefs. Preferably limiting beliefs that keep people stuck. That means really educating yourselves on how people think, what they believe and how to reach them.</div>
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If you do these two things, and keep them in your mind at all times, you’ll never fail. Because your purpose will be so much bigger than just self-expression or acceptance. The bigger your goal, the more you’ll learn on the road to it. Keep your eyes on bigger prizes guys. Let writing just be one small piece of a larger and more exciting life. And you’ll not only change others for the better, but yourselves too.</div>Hayden Chancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09031811345669582129noreply@blogger.com0